Monday, July 28, 2008


I am Mom to a budding chemist. One who may one day save the world and rid us from evil plagues. Right now the future Dr. Janey Lutz happens to be driving me CRAZY with her concoctions. This really is nothing new from her. It is not unheard of to pick up your drink only to realize some dish soap or salt has been added. Bath time often (if not closely, closely supervised) can often involve an entire bottle of shampoo, body wash, face cream, soap or bubbles. Pump hand soap is a dream come true for Janey. Lately her ingredient of choice is any of Julian's "make up". She has dumped an entire container of body glitter in her bed (the sheets were just changed, so she was shiny for a week!) Lip gloss has been scraped and scrubbed off every surface. In vain I have tried to remove body lotion from the floor. She is so stealth and knows just when the gate at the stairs has been left unlocked. I finally HID all of the things she could get her hands on. Or so I thought. In the 2 minutes it took me to put in a load of laundry yesterday, she snuck up and found some left over goodies. She nail POLISHED everything. Her hands, her face, her neck. The bathroom sink, the faucet handles, the front of the vanity. PLUS ( for your special spa refreshment) she poured nail polish, cough syrup, and squeezed a WHOLE TUBE of Blistex into my water bottle. And by the way, before you start the safety lecture, the cough syrup was in the medicine cabinet and had a SAFETY cap on it. Steve came home from work only to have to go right back out and get nail polish remover (and cough syrup. She has had a bad cough!) We had (another) talk about things we should not, and can not touch. Which obviously went IN one ear and OUT the other because today, not only did she lip gloss Julian's (now retired) American Girl doll Marisol (WHERE THE HECK IS SHE FINDING THIS STUFF???), she took an entire bottle of Tucker's cologne and doused a dozen Beanie Babies. My house smells like the cosmetic counter at Macy's. All of today's chemistry was done in about 10 seconds! Tomorrow I plan to look for a motion alarm to install at the top of the stairs. Although there is still the bath to contend with.....After washing the lip gloss and Polo cologne off her, I made the mistake of blinking. Advantage Jane. And an empty bottle of blueberry shampoo. I reminded her that she had JUST been punished for dumping things out. To which she replied, "I didn't dump it....I just squeezed it a little." Duh.

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